I had wandered thru the snow
Everyone had turned against me
And then I became invisible
I wandered on
But then I was massive
Then I was a mountain
No one could climb
And so I was alone with the sky
And I saw you run like an ant around my grave
And I saw you forget me so fast as it rained
As I rained
I was a cloud
I just sat there in the sky
Until I started to fall
Calling you with each drop on your face
Trying to be your tears
I ran down your cheek
And still I was surprised how easily you wiped me away
I practiced yoga
Breathing backwards
And then I was a bird
It was old age
I flew alone
In the burgundy sun
The grey sky swallowed me whole and then I was a baby again
In the arms of the new mother
Sucking for life
Nourishment
If only to survive for dreams
Before my voice was born
Another came to me and said
You are a machine for dreams
A body to house my imagination
And you are eyes to see the beauty I create and the love I condemn
And then I was a rose
Wilting on the edge of a toxic moon
Breaking open like an egg for ghost

I let you put a diamond in my nose
I let you wander past food stamps into tattoos and goldmines
I let us eat flapjacks with grits at the majestic
I let you let me spank you spank me
I let us rub the surface off a hundred lotto tickets to win two dollars back and rub those to void
I let us by dream guitars, which fold distortion like angels kissing the ears of the deaf and the eyes of the blind
I let you free me by surrendering elastic handcuffed
After you said choke me but be careful
And we never had a safety word
And we never practiced yoga but instead let our bellies grow out around ponce de leon
And I really didn’t remember enough of those old streets
Enough at least to forget them
And you even let me grow my beard
And eat vegetarian soul food and play long guitar solos
And feel love
For everyone all the time
And be awake
And be grateful
And have folks that love me
And surrender to yer will
And do so with gratitude and happily
And you let me ride next to an easel and you let paint fall from the roof
Of the rust machine and paint my face protection and respect
And I regretted every time I lost my temper
Or didn’t pay for the coffee
Or let them shoot the horse or murder a dream
I walked thru fire till I noticed it didn’t burn me
And then I just stood there in it
And wished it still did
I tried to remember what it was like
When everything mattered and was real
Unlike now when everything matters and is real except for me
As I stand in flames
Unable to burn
And I stand in rain
Dry as the desert
And I stand in cold
Perfectly warm
The sun always shining
Even when
Especially when it’s midnight
And there is nothing but darkness
And the whites of your eyes
Reminding to write the poem
To deliver the message
The one that needs to be delivered to you
And then back again
As god talks to himself
Communicates with himself
And showers us with praise
As we lay dying in our inability to surrender
The masters have all been this way before
Though there have been few
They have all burned without burning
Until they were ash
Until they were no more than dust in your eye
Carried by some far off wind
In to your blossoming vision

She ran into the store
I waited in the car
The song we just recorded was playing
I began to weep
Nothing could contain my gratitude for this moment
This life
I felt absolved
Saved even
I asked without asking for forgivness
I was granted without being granted absolution
I was free
A glimpse
An eternal glimpse
Of life outside the human window
The pathways of my sickness
Revealed and relieved
Childish ignorance
Nothing more menacing than that
Just unconsiousness moving to it’s own will unchecked
Feeding from and being fed to those around
But then the beauty of the song
The love of the people contained there in
The gratitude for a life that has led to this moment and oppurtunity
A life that has been very painful
But only as a frame for the godhead center
Like an infinite rose made of consiousness and light breaking open in slow motion with atom bomb insight into the hearts and souls of man planted and contained and cared for and embraced in his heart
And yes I felt or saw or felt/saw his heart
And so I wept
And she ran out of the store
Full of love and generosity
And then she started driving but then noticed my tears
And pulled over
And with her hand
Gently reached over
And wiped them away.

The circus blew thru me
Magic peoples of blue light radiance
Let go of all fear
And set their angles toward the sun
Inside out we wandered about the moon
And finally fell to the earth
Whole and complete
Awakened and exhausted
We fell asleep
And so our dreams reinterpreted for us
The events that fell thru mud slides
Of sonic glories as they sunk into the past
Along with the seeds of their inspiration
Where they can grow in people’s minds and memories
Into forests of insight
Magic people of blue radiance
All living in LA
Which has earned and earns its reputation as a strange place
A place at the beginning and end of time
A place where new dreamers meet the ones whose dreams have died
Over coffee and elevator music and plastic puppets of the apocalypse dangle temptation and illicit versions of a false freedom
Which swings death into a zombie dance in the minds of children across this world and the next
Yet still
The magic people of blue radiance
They came to sing my song
And help lift me into white light
Where me sins were washed away in the shores of freedom
And I became a thousand birds flying at dusk out of the madness of the city

For your consideration
We all had movie reels
Performances we had done
We wanted each other to watch
To judge
To approve
To say we had been great
To say there was nobody better
To give the love and respect
So that our own attack dogs
Which by now had grown tired and insane
So that our own attack dogs
Which by now had turned around
And been nipping at us
Growling at us
And even from time to time lunging at us
Would somehow be calmed
Would somehow
Be placated
As if thrown a toy or a steak
Or the head of a forgotten dictator
Which somehow still managed to speak to them
Pleading back off
Right before they chewed off his nose
The reels said
For your consideration
But they might as well have said
For my salvation
We didn’t want to be abandoned at the well
Or refused at that velvet rope
But the truth is
So many of us were
And so we walked like zombies up and down Hollywood blvd
The stars beneath our feet
Most of them long ago in their grave
Most of them had flown across romantic night skies
A long time ago
Most of them liberated from the idea
Of even being a star in the street
Locked in concrete
With vagrants dragging their feet
Across the face of their memory
Most of them
Liberated from show reels
And our consideration
And if they could somehow speak to us now
I bet they would say
Throw your show reels
Under the wheels of the next car that flies right by
And remember you are all these stars illuminated
On this desolate street
About to fly out of the concrete
And soar across the night sky of now
And fall into the eyes
Of a child
Dreaming for your consideration

Late night coast out
Wing span extend
Open the blocks
You are locked
All over your skin
Tattoos trap your soul
You must have been in an extreme
Place
I was
I was someone different
I walked thru doors
Beyond doors
And beyond those
I dared extremes
And found myself
Free but I was a murderer
I walked around with my own head
In my hand
I held my hair in a ball in a fist
My old expression
My own dead face
I put it back on my neck
I came back alive
My eyes opened
And saw the world in black and white
I took the poison
And let the colors flood back in
She said it’s amazing you can write anything at all
You must be strong
But you are closed
How do you know?
I asked
Cause I see you
And you are always in my head
Late night
Coast drive
She said
You had dust on your wings
Now you must take care of yourself
You must get clean
You have to redeem yourself
God loves me
More than you know she said
I am covered in ink but I don’t want to be ashamed
I went passed the boundaries
And in someway
I never came back
I walked with my head in my hands
And in someway many dreams fell out of my neck
We driving in the down pour
West coast rain
Along the one
The roads closed
I think of her
And what she said
I may be trapped
I may be caged
I may be a shadow of my former self
Filled with wilting flowers
But I have survived
And as an artist I have never been better
I have given myself no outs
The only exit is the grave
The only eye is his beyond
The only mind is mine spinning like a seed of the sun
I am the connection between this world and the next
I am the cracked connection
The voices come in fits and spurts
I’m un afraid of this world
It’s the next I fear
All my trouble
Waits for me there
I chose a lazy path
And picked the wrong rebellion
I won’t burn in hell
But I have to be redeemed
And redemption comes hard
Good thing then
I’m as hard as they come

Long drive
To San Francisco
My brain like a mouth bouncing off a flickering light
Woke up to strange messages
Some days it feels like you’re never gonna make it to where you are going
Some days it feels like you’ve been deluded all the time
Walking and leaving a maze of confusion and intrigue
Scattered across a battleling planet
Full of psychic vampires
And lost souls riding the dreams of others
It’s a long drive to San Francisco
And where can we go from here?
I feel like I’ve been doing this forever already
And what’s it all for
But these are old thoughts
A mind virus
I’ve had it for years
Along with every other beast/plant/animal/ballerina on this planet
It’s easy to have a crisis of faith when so many innocents die without reason or warning
It becomes harder to really invest in your own little story
It seems all that we have is delusion or enlightenment
And if enlightenment is like a flower in full bloom
Well, you can’t rush a flower
So we are trapped in our karma
On shaky planet
With suicide bombers and fast food
And even god against us
The world turning in on itself
And yet here comes the sun daring you to enjoy another day
And yet here comes a smile from a beautiful woman inviting a conversation, which could lead to the birth of a child or a plea for spare change
All these conflicting energies
We must remain desensitized
We must remain part cold
Or else our bodies become three thousand dying butterflies
Our minds become a sponge of sadness and regret
And our hearts become the widow of the world
But our eyes become healing stones
And our dreams invisible roses
There is no way out
We are crossed out since birth
And I am lost in the haze
Both personal and cosmic
Both spiritual and earth bound

We are staying in an old hotel
It’s been here since 1906
The bellboy told me a story on the way up
He said one day he went to check something in one of the rooms which was supposed to be empty
And as he walked in
A lady in a gown was getting out of the shower
She said
I’m sorry I thought this room was empty
When he went downstairs to check it out he noticed it was empty (nobody booked)
Then he went back with security but there was no sign of the lady and it’s as if no one had been there
After he left I put my do not disturb sign on my door knob
Opening it up a crack into the long empty hall (a scene out of the shining)
And as I pulled my hand away I felt something grab it but let go just as quick
This place is haunted

And not haunted at all
Just as we are both abandoned and protected
Just as we are a dance of light and dark
Just as we are only half present coming into focus
And burning through our own souls
Out of cages neglected and forgotten
We get used to our chains
And so we haunt ourselves
We are
Our own ghosts
We are
Our own flood
Our own earthquake
Our own natural disaster

She said she saw through me
And I believe she did
I walk through life naked
I’m not proud
Just determined
Goodnight ghosts
I’m really not afraid
Who’s haunting who?
Which one of us is dead?

There is a healing
It comes thru words
Thru people
Thru angels of earth
Sent by him
You wait for the word
The word comes
You ask for help
And help comes
But it is a challenge
And faith is tested
And it may even seem
The whole has been
Abandoned
But you listen to your heart
And it tells you
In spite of appearances
This is not true
You are being led
You are being held
And you are loved beyond
Imagination
And he is walking with you
Thru the valley of the shadow of death
He is walking with you
Thru the bright light
Exposing all to those who see
Thru you
For some reason
Unknown to you
It is important that you rise
It is important that you see past
All dirt and dust
And that you return to who you were
When you were born
Only now
All the poison has turned into gold
And all the damage has turned into strength
And you have the empathy for those who have suffered
For you have suffered as well
Perhaps more perhaps less
But no matter
You have suffered enough
And your love is ready
To embrace the love of the weak
And to embrace the pain of the strong
Your love is ready to rise
Up out of death
And go beyond darkness
Beyond light
Into the heart of the beast in man
And heal
His insanity

Yo
Stump town
Trees green begging west sun drip down in rains tiny inferno
The road squashes tiny increments of time
Seconds and minutes squealing underneath our tires
When they die they scream like hours
Our GPS has a name
She’s called Lori
And she matter of factly tells us where we are to go
Team awesome
On the way to tiny clubs to stir trouble for the lepers of soul
To cure soul lepers
To cure our own soul leprosy
The rain falls on us where we go
The day turns bright red and then folds into darkness
And once night descends we are again released into a new captivity
A softer guard
Elastic handcuffs
And power chords
Missions once deemed impossible
Now just dirt beneath our fingernails
Stump town here we come
Trees falling as we pass down highways oblivion won’t touch
Highways that belong to the sky
And to the sea
Which sinks all our sins
And turns them into fish
Who form schools
And swim beyond our comprehension.
Into the eyes of ancestors
Into the mind of our dreams
Into the heart of our death
And into the pain of our new birth
Where for a time
For one small but eternal moment
We are pure

The drive to Portland is endless
It’s taken centuries
And we’re still only half way there
Somewhere between china and mars
Somewhere between Philly and Baton Rouge
Somewhere between the great beyond and nowhere
With Paul Simon singing behind African rhythm
And the rain coming down
Always the rain
It never stops raining
It has rained forever
There has never been a dry world
The water is rising from below
And falling from above
And no song can save us
No matter who is singing against African drums
The speed limit is 55 but it might as well be infinity
We are driving against time to a destination that doesn’t exist
In fact all others driving
Are going nowhere
They are simply looking for a place where it doesn’t rain
But it always rains
And there has never been a dry place

Ten minutes til show time
Paint fumes and dead bodies
Future corpses with full bellies
Humanity making herd noises
Music makers laying in dirt of unused notes
Paintings and lift off and red paint on my hand
Or is it blood
I’m folding here
It’s always a dust up before I hit the stage
I should be used to it by now

Is there a mother of exiles
Is there a father of truth
Is there a shepherd to take us
thru the darkness of youth
Are there words that bring salvation
Is there a sky that never falls
Is there a voice, which moves love
That knows the hollow of your calls
Is there light that sings your heart song
Is there hearts in ghosts that haunt
Do shadows ever whisper
As they die from the weight of want
Did I ever really need you
Or was it an illusion born of time
Will you fade from my memory
Could I recover my lost mind
Is this road never ending
From this life and beyond
Are we always somewhere sending
The signal coming/ moving on
And if love itself can’t save us
What use the cry of man
If love itself can’t save us
What is the master plan
The sky is always falling
My will is dying here
The voices always calling
Behind the waves of need and fear
Give up now surrender
What are you and where
Who are you deceiving
When you pretend to care
A night owl and a carcass
A widow and a snake
A fire burning nothing
Except the will to lift and take
A fire reaching higher
It may even lick the sun
God can feel its heat now
As all his humans run
From desire to desire
From need to bleeding need
With mouths still opened skyward
The mother still must feed
Is there a mother of exiles
Is there a father of truth
Will anyone find his or her way home
Or to the heart and soul of youth
Or are we here and just here spinning
Spinning till we stop
The end of holy motion
And the silence of the top
Are we just a game
The spirits still must play
Do we have a purpose
Or are we only in the way
Can there ever be forgiveness
Can we ever be redeemed
have we always been forgotten
Have we always been a dream?